I ask my self infrequently, am I happy? And even I think a little bit hard to interpret the exact meaning of being happy. After those unhappy years, and pretended that I was okay with things, well even I know that wasn't what I literally want, but there was always something to push me get close to. If I could reborn even I can't choose who am I, but I would take different choices.
Well, it is not exactly that I mean if I am not happy at all. I am happy, yes sure, like happy of having such incredible friends, but the thought of 'this is not the life I want, the life I hope for, and the life that interpret who I am' is always comes in sudden. Like there is a torture in their smile.
The boundary between my dream and reality is thin enough, but it always exist. I can't break that boundary, yet. And I don't know, don't know what should I do then. It's like I want to buy an ice cream cone, I have enough money, but there's always something to make me away.
And now I am tired, to struggle for another dreams, and makes another hope.
Perhaps this is what people called FATE. The thing that influence all people's life, and they can't change it. Even though I really don't believe that, because I think the one who choose to be who you are is only that person. But now, it's different. And I start to believe there is a fate that hidden in someone life, whether it breaks your dreams right now or years later. I just can't believe that years behind and later is a kind of disaster, the life that I don't want to live for, but I have to.